sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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