They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
