its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
