YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
