I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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