Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
