Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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