Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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