Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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