for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize