Whod you bang
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
