the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
