He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
