So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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