...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
