I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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