Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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