I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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