i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
