allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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