I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I queefed so loud it echoed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
