do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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