Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
