They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
