Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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