Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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