I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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