Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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