Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
