also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
