I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
