yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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