Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
