Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
