six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The power of my boobs compel you
You ate ashes out of my bong
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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