Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
