Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
