just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
