even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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