my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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