I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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