Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
