i can't believe i had my finger in that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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