It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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