People with herpes should wear stickers.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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