I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
