Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize