...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
