he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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