I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
