i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
