you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
