yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
