Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
