Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
