I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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