I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
