It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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