He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
