sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
