My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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