The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
