Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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